I sometimes hear from folks who know that it is time to end their affair, but they aren't sure how to go about it. They know triptogether.com that this is going to cause pain, but they also know that it must be done. However, they aren't sure how to do it in the right way so that every one can go on with their lives in the most positive way possible.
A comment
that you might hear in this situation is something like: "I know that this
is going to sound stupid, but last night it dawned on me that I could be
ruining my life by having an affair. I started this relationship impulsively,
at an awful time in my life. These circumstances have nothing to do with my
husband. He has tried to help me, but I have pushed him away. The other man is
not a bad guy. He knew that I was married. but I lied to him and told him that
my marriage was over. I don't know if he has real feelings for me. I like to
think that he does because this would make the affair seem not quite so awful.
I haven't told my husband about the affair. I do intend to. But only after I
have already broken it off. So, I know that I need to end this, but I don't
know how. Part of me just wants to send a text or an email, but I feel like the
other man deserves more than this. But I don't want to see triptogether the
disappointment in his face when I tell him. What is the best way to end
it?"
I will tell you right up front that
I am not very objective about this. As a spouse who has been cheated on, I've
never been the one who has to break it off. But I do hear from many folks in
this situation and I believe that there is probably a right and a wrong way to
do this, which I'll discuss below.
Think About Your Spouse And Your
Marriage First: I couldn't help but notice that the woman in this situation was
most concerned with the other man's feelings than with her husband's. Quite
honestly, you need to be the most concerned about your spouse. Many people will
feel somewhat apprehensive about breaking it off and so they will go and tell
the other person that their spouse is "making" them end the affair
and work on their marriage. What is the risk of this? Well, what if the other
person blames your spouse and shows up at your spouse's work or home? Can you
imagine how awful this would be? Especially if your spouse doesn't already triptogether.com
Reviews know about the affair? My point is this. Don't use your
spouse or your marriage as an excuse. Take responsibility for your own mistake.
Don't blame anyone else, including the other person.
Break It On In A Way That Sounds
Decisive And Final: I understand wanting to let the other person down easy. I
understand wanting to have compassion. And, if you can do that while still being
clear, than that is optimal. But, be very careful that you don't break it off
in a way that is going to give the other person hope that you might change your
mind. Don't leave them any incentive to continue to contact or reach out to
you. It should be clear that you intend for this to be the end without any
further contact. If you believe that this is better done in a letter or email
so that they can't interrupt, then I understand this, but keep in mind that
they could always show this to your spouse later so be direct and to the point
without a lot of emotion. Stress that you made a mistake, that you are sorry
for involving them in your mistake, and make it clear that you don't place any
blame on anyone but yourself.
Potential Words To Use: I didn't know
the other man in this situation. The person who can come up with the best words
are the people involved. But here is just a general suggestion. "I have
been thinking about our relationship and I have realized that I have made a
selfish mistake that is entirely of my own doing. I'm so sorry for involving
you in this. I was going through my own struggle that I should have dealt with
on my own, without involving anyone else. It is time for me to deal with it
once and for all. And, in order to do that, I need to end our
relationship."
The other person may try to debate
or ask for more information. Keep things short and to the point. Frankly, they
may ask about your spouse or your marriage. I realize that some may disagree,
but I don't think that you owe them an explanation about this. Your marriage is
your own business, especially since the affair is over. And you don't want to
do anything to encourage the other person to contact your spouse, who doesn't
deserve any of this. Frankly, if the other person knew you were married, they
also knew that this day might one day come.
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