I sometimes hear from couples who are trying to determine the easiest and most effective way to work things out after one of them has had an affair. One concern that they will often have if is one of them should triptogether.com leave the house and move out for a bit or whether a temporary or trial separation would be beneficial. They wonder if being apart for a while might allow for things to calm down a little bit and improve.
A sample concern is something like:
"my husband had a three month affair. He confessed himself and I believe
that he is very sorry and remorseful. He has asked me to allow him to try to
work things out. I have agreed to this. I am not sure if we are going to be
able to save our marriage, but I would like to try. My husband asked me if I
wanted for him to move out for a while. He said that he feels like I get angry
and sad every time I look at him and he would respect it if I need some space.
I am not sure how I feel about this. I do feel angry sometimes when he is
around, but I think that I would feel angry regardless. And I am not sure that
I would trust him while he was away. If it better to separate for a little
while to let things calm down? triptogether Or is it
better to try to work things out while still living together?"
I'm not a therapist or mental
health counselor, so I can only tell you my opinion on this based on my
experience and from comments. I believe that it truly does depend on the
situation. If things are so volatile and ugly that the couple almost can't
stand to be in the same room together, then it can be beneficial for one of
them to stay with friends for a while in order for things to calm down and not
get out of hand. Notice that I said stay with friends. I didn't say move out.
If you truly want to save your marriage, then I think it is premature just to
move out immediately unless that is what your spouse requests of you.
However, this didn't seem to be the
case with this couple. Yes, the wife was understandably angry. But it wasn't so
bad that they couldn't be in the same room together. I think that it is optimal
that you remain living together, with the understanding that you will give
space and back off when and if it is needed. Some couples sleep in separate
beds for a while. And if that is what makes them feel comfortable at the time,
then I think that it is perfectly OK. But I believe there are many advantages
to continuing on under the same roof, even if it is with the understanding that
things are not the same or are not OK right now.
The Advantages Of Continuing To
Live Together: First, it just indicates that you are willing to hang in there
and not act impulsively. Even if you are angry, hurt, or disappointed, it shows
that you have the ability to wait and see what happens rather than just fleeing
immediately. triptogether.com
Reviews This can say a lot about you, your marriage, and your
personality. Second, there can be huge trust issues if you can't see or know
what your spouse is doing. When someone has already cheated on you once, of
course you are going to wonder what he is up to even if he is doing nothing
more than going to work and then immediately coming home. Third, it can be
easier to work through your problems when you have easy access to your spouse.
But when one of you is living apart from the other, the logistics can make
talking, communicating, and just trying to be in the same space with each other
much more difficult. Simply put, you won't have the same opportunity to
communicate and to check in regularly.
That is not to say that couples
can't and don't make it after an affair when one moves out. They do. And the
ones who do typically have counseling at set and regular times so that they are
communicating regularly. If they don't, then they will generally schedule times
to get together. I believe there is a real risk in having one person move out
when there is no self help or counseling in place to ensure that you will at
least try to move forward.
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