I sometimes hear from wives whose husbands are still actively having an affair. And they are trying to determine what type of situation VictoriaHearts.com Reviews they might be facing. For whatever reason, the husband is reluctant to break off the affair or to let the woman go. So, the wife wants to know for how long this might go on.
A common comment in this situation
is something like: "I recently found out that my husband is having an
affair with a woman who he was engaged to in high school. This was a
relationship that was over decades ago, but apparently they have decided to
pick up where they left off. One of my friends happens to be friend of the
other woman. My friend found out about the affair and told me. When I
confronted my husband, he told me that he had never lost feelings for this
woman and that he still has those same feelings. He didn't offer to end it then
and he is still not offering to end it. She lives in another state. They mostly
communicate by phone and text, although they have spent a handful of weekends
together when my husband told me he was traveling for work. Our mutual friend
says that if I just give it time, the affair will fizzle out because they just
can't be together and in the same state enough to build a true relationship. I
wish that I could believe this, but I'm not sure that I do. My husband has said
that he won't abandon VictoriaHearts me and
that he's not going to make any decisions immediately. But I can't help but
worry that he will move to be with her or vice versa. And I get so depressed
wondering how long this is going to last. For how long do most affairs
last?"
I actually tried to research this
topic and most of what I found indicated a range of two to four years, as an
average. These statistics came from authors who had written books about
affairs. I'm sure that these authors did their research and I don't really feel
qualified to disagree with them. I'm not a therapist or expert by any means.
But I do have to say that the people who I hear from mention affairs that are
generally shorter than this. Sure, I'll occasionally hear about a long term
affair. But most of the time, in these instances, every one knows about every
one else and sort of accepts it. This scenario sort of becomes a situation where
the wife knows about the mistress and begrudgingly accepts it so it just goes VictoriaHearts.com on and on.
The wife in above scenario did not want this type of arrangement. So I would
suspect that this won't be the case here. But of course, I can't say for sure.
Things That Can Influence The
Longevity Of An Affair: Sometimes, the length of the affair depends on the type
of help that the couple is able to obtain. A very good counselor can often be
very persuasive in getting the cheating spouse to see the damage of these
actions, but will also make it seem that the spouse himself chose to end it.
Another consideration is the
motivation of the other woman. It's not yet clear if she wants a long term
relationship. Because it's not only the husband who can end the affair. The
other woman could decide that the relationship isn't working for her or that
it's not right and end it at any time also.
Even if you know every variable,
and even if you think that you're clear on the motivations of both the husband
and the other woman, it's very hard to predict the future. There are so many
unknowns when you are talking about human behavior and emotions. There are also
circumstances that could happen to end the relationship that no one saw coming.
One or both of the people could have to relocate. The attraction could fizzle
out. Or one of them can decide that it's just too much work.
Some wives will give their
husband's an ultimatum and will tell him that if he doesn't break it off at
once, he faces a separation or divorce. This isn't always the best call because
I often see men either refuse to break it off or claim that they have broken it
off and then continue the relationship behind every one's back. Or, he could
end it but then mope around because he misses her or he feels that he wasn't
allowed to make his own decision.
And although I don't necessarily
agree with the 2 - 4 year statistic, I do concede that some affairs last for a
while. With that said, an affair has a lot going against it. This is a
relationship born in secrecy and shame. It can't be healthy by its very nature.
Yes, some people will be stubborn and will try very hard to make it work. But
statistically, affairs don't stand a very good chance of succeeding for the
long term. The question is how long it will take the participants of the affair
to figure that out.
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