I sometimes hear from people who regret cheating on their spouse more than they can possibly express. Because they can't change this and they have to face all of the hurt and pain that they have caused, Eharmony.com Reviews this can make them feel incredibly badly about themselves.
To demonstrate, I might hear a
comment like: "I cheated on my husband and never in my life have I
regretted something so much. Amazingly, my husband has decided to stand by me.
He says he has forgiven me and he blames himself somewhat because he travels so
much for his job. Frankly, this makes me sad and it makes me feel worse about
the situation. I almost wish he would have been furious with me and he would
have made me earn his trust back. But he didn't. He forgave me right away and
he has continued to try to treat me well. Occasionally, some of his frustration
will slip out and he will snap at me. But for the most part, he continues to be
his kind and loving self and I always end up feeling like I don't deserve this.
I don't deserve him. This whole process has made me feel like trash. A few of
our family and friends know about the affair and I am sure that they are
thinking that my husband deserves much better than me. And the sad thing is, I
agree with them and I know that they are right. Every day, I fully realize that
my husband could do so much better. Every day, I feel like I am deplorable
person. And I am not sure how to start feeling better about myself because my
husband has made things somewhat easy for me. Despite the fact that my husband
forgives me, Eharmony I don't
forgive myself. How can I feel better?"
People often assume that an affair
only hurts the person who was cheated on or the faithful spouse. But I know
first hand that it can hurt both spouses. And I can tell from the correspondence
that I often get that many unfaithful spouses are genuinely remorseful and feel
quite horribly about themselves. I haven't been in this experience myself, but
I've seen my husband go through it. Below are some suggestions that I have
which might help this situation.
Attempt Excellence Every Single
Day: In many respects, healing after an affair does take time. In other words,
no matter how perfectly the cheating spouse acts, how much remorse they show,
and how much rehabilitation takes place, there still needs to be some passage
of time in order to establish a new normal. Still, there are things that you
can do to help this along. One of those things is to try, every single day, to
do right by your spouse and to do right by yourself. That means not constantly
looking back. It means asking yourself regularly what you can do to move
forward. It's very tempting to dwell on questions like: "why did I cheat?
what type of person betrays their spouse?" Those types of questions tend
to keep you stuck. Instead, you want to ask questions like: "what can I do
today to make this better? Eharmony.com How can I
help my spouse heal today? How can I be a blessing to my spouse in this
moment?"
When you ask these questions on a
daily basis, you propel yourself forward and things begin to get better. You
begin to realize that day after day, you are showing integrity. You are being
the type of wife that your husband deserves. And you are giving yourself the best
version of yourself - which you also deserve.
Help Someone Else Outside Of Your
Marriage: I would never tell you to take time away from your marriage. That
should be your first priority and where you place the most of your time.
However, if you spend every waking moment lamenting what has gone wrong, you
can start to define yourself in that way. It can really help to define yourself
outside of this. Take a little time for yourself. Volunteer to help someone or
something else. This will take your mind off of things and remind you, that
deep down, you are still a good person who made an unfortunate mistake. It
happens to us all. No one is perfect.
Once You've Done All That You Can,
Give Yourself Permission To Forgive Yourself: If you know in your heart that
you have done everything in your power to be the type of wife that your husband
deserves and you are now living your life with honestly, integrity, and grace,
then you just have to give yourself permission to let it go. Dwelling on it
isn't help you. It isn't helping your husband. In fact, it can keep you both
stuck. It can delay your progress. It can keep you living in the past. This
doesn't mean that you aren't sorry for what you did or that what you did is
justified (because we know that it isn't.) But, it does mean that you know that
you have done all that you can do. And, moving forward, you know that the best
gift that you can give yourself and your husband is to move on in a healthy and
positive way. If you are always focusing on the negative and on how much you
dislike yourself, then you aren't going to be able to give your husband, or
yourself, the best of yourself.
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