So his offer to keep the marriage is an open marriage?
Interesting to say the least.
Well, where to begin here?
First things first, if you choose
to play with fire don't be surprised if you get burned. You chose to cheat on
your spouse Eharmony.com
Reviews and there may not be a happy ending like in the movies.
Hopefully when two people agree to
get married it is for the long haul. Relationships are not easy, as we all can
agree there are ups and downs.
I came across this thread on an
infidelity forum Love Shack.
The story is told by a wayward wife
that sleeps with a strange man at a bar after going out with her girlfriend.
This night of "enchantment" took place after a handful of fights with
her husband. A long period of time goes by before she finally confesses and he
explodes (did not see that coming). Eharmony He thinks
about it for a bit, sits her down then explains that he is so disgusted by her
actions that he does not want to make love to her anymore. So he offers her the
ultimatum of keeping the marriage if she agrees to an open marriage where he
has sex with an escort monthly. (Now I am that the ones that is disgusted.) And
if she disagrees then he wants a divorce.
Wow!
Both made hasty choices. She
cheated. He acted out of emotion too and came up with a harmful proposition.
Yes, affairs are awful, but never make a quick decision regarding a long-term
relationship. Eharmony.com Your bad
choices were quick, but healing is not quick. There is no quick fix here. The
feelings will linger on for a while no matter what.
My wife cheated on me not that long
ago. Before she cheated neither of us was very happy. There was no spark like
before. Since I caught her things have definitely gotten better. We are both
reacting to each other more positively and doing what marriage is all about:
sharing.
BUT
I still feel hurt.
While your emotions are raw and the
fire is burning do NOT add gasoline to the fire. It does NOT need to burn any
brighter.
So what would have been a better
way to handle this situation (in my opinion)?
What the Betrayed Husband Should
Have Done
He just made things worse by even
offering such a ridiculous solution. What does that offer even mean?
Does that mean he has been thinking
about having sex with other women for a while and now he found the perfect
excuse?
What's more important sex or the
marriage? What do you expect to happen man?
Do you think your wife is going to
say, "Yeah, okay honey, sure. Anything to stay with you. I was wrong to
betray you and now you have the right to have sex with whomever you want. I
will just wait right here at home and have dinner waiting for you too."?
Ridiculous! I want to throw up.
Two wrongs do NOT make a right.
Life is not logical or rational.
What the Wayward Spouse Should Do
If She Truly WANTS to Stay Married (again in my opinion)
Address his feelings more
effectively IMMEDIATELY. She must be convincing about her sorrow and empathy of
his pain. This will only be done in her actions, words and body language.
Identify that two wrongs do not
make a right in her own head.
Do not retaliate by accusing him of
wanting to be unfaithful.
Do not talk about mistrusting him.
That will just ignite his already burning fire even more.
Action
Imagine her going out with the same
friend some late Friday night again that let her cheat on her husband. BAD
IDEA. She should fire her friend.
Words
What she says should show that she
understands how hurt he must be and even attempt to give examples of what she
thinks he is feeling. Offer him a way out if things do not work after giving it
time to think things over. Reiterate that quick decisions are what started this
fiasco to begin with.
DO NOT STOKE THE FIRE, it could get
out of control.
Body Language
You communicate your feelings and
what you think more through your body language than anything else. I ALWAYS
observe my wife's body language when talking about tough issues regarding our
relationship, who does not?
Wayward Spouse's Return Offer
She should suggest they take time
and not do anything for a while. See how they feel later. Now is not the time
to talk. Rethink things before talking. If after a while he does not want to
stay then he can file divorce.
You made a rash choice to cheat.
There's not going to be a quick fix- sorry. If he wants to leave after taking
the time to reconsider then these are the consequences.
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