Chasing a Cheating Husband
Remember the cartoon Tom and Jerry?
Why did Tom have so much trouble catching Jerry? Was it that Jerry was so much
smarter? Not really. Tom was intelligent too. Jerry won because he was always
two steps Eharmony.com
Reviews ahead of Tom. Tom was always so preoccupied and focused on
the chase he became predictable.
Who followed who?
Tom followed Jerry. That's what
Jerry wanted it.
This article is not about winning
or losing or even chasing, but there are some tips we can get from the
philosophy of chasing someone.
Who am I?
My name is Orlando and I want to
help. I cheated on my first wife many years ago and I did this despite being
what I consider a man that actually does care a lot about women's feelings. I
remember what she did to try to win me back. I remember how I felt, how I
reacted. Eharmony I have
some eye-opening tips that can help you.
Cheating Is Never the Solution
Make no mistake I think cheating is
wrong- period, no matter what the reason is. Since my infidelity with my first
wife I have moved on and reconstructed myself. You can read more about my story
to understand who I am and what happened if you'd like to decide if you can
trust Eharmony.commy advice,
but you came to this post for help right now so if I may, let's cut to the
chase.
Unearthing the ugliness of your
husband cheating has got to be one, IF NOT THE MOST PAINFUL, emotional
experience you have ever gone through. Heaps of stories of unfaithful husbands
litter the internet. After reading one of them just now at
www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums I just had to stop what I was doing to write
this post.
Sad Stories of Betrayed Wives
So this loving, caring wife writes
about finding herself in a marriage with a habitual lying man. Shortly after
marrying him she discovers their house was in danger of going into foreclosure
(apparently the house was his to start before they got married and he did not
disclose the financial problems he was having). So who bailed them out of
trouble? You guessed it. Her. Then he had a major health scare. Who forked out
the money again? Yep, her.
Then she catches him sexting one of
his younger employees at work including pics of her private parts. It makes me
sick thinking men do this. Why not just confront your wife and express what
frustrates you about your relationship? That would be the rational thing to do,
but people are not rational or fair. I still get angry at myself for having
cheated.
Back to the story.
So the betrayed wife writes on
that, well, in so many words (from my observation as a man) begs him to stay
and humiliates herself by doing whatever she thinks is necessary to MAKE HIM
ATTRACTED TO HER again. She dresses sexy, writes love letters, reminds him of
all their great moments together and cooks for him amongst other things.
Appeasing Your Cheating Spouse.
This Sounds Familiar
Hmm, sounds familiar. Oh, yeah,
that's what my ex did when she caught me. And how did that make me feel?
Like running away as fast as I
could. Sorry to tell you that ladies.
Ex Gets Cheated On Again- Cheating
Really Sucks!
Oh, yeah, interestingly enough, my
ex with whom I'm still friends with (because I truly do care) ran face-to-face
with marital infidelity again with her second husband. I was one of the first
people she cried to and poured all the details onto. She accidentally found
sexts between her husband and someone at work. And again acting out of panic
she tried the appeasing approach with letters, dressing sexy and desperately
attempting to MAKE HIM ATTRACTED TO HER again.
It did NOT work.
Cutting to the Chase: the Bottom
Line about Cheating Husbands
Tom chased Jerry not the other way
around. Jerry was never concerned about what Tom did. Tom was ALWAYS focused on
what Jerry did.
Here's the straight forward advice.
Do NOT chase your man. It will NEVER work. It will NOT make him LIKE YOU AGAIN.
Men are NOT attracted to begging.
Do NOT beg, do NOT plead. This is NOT attractive.
Is he a chump for cheating? Y-E-S!!
Can he justify his cheating? NO! He
could have chosen a different way to handle his emotions instead he felt
starting over with someone else was the answer.
The Advice You Did NOT See Coming
The ugly truth is NO man, NO
person, will make you completely happy. Yes,the right relationship does feel
good, but in the end YOU control your happiness.
If you want any chance of winning
him back then instead of focusing on HIS reaction to what you do you should
focus on YOU DO and THINK, specifically on how you look at relationships.
Identify Self-Sabotaging Thoughts
Write down those thoughts that are
keeping you dependent on someone else to provide you happiness (emotional
dependency).
• I love him so much and I can't
live without him
• I hope I have qualities that he
(and men in general) finds attractive
• My life will be a wreck if I lose
him (or if I don't have a man in my life).
Begin to change your toxic
self-talk into new ways of dealing with relationships.
• From "I love him so much and
I can't live without him," to "I've had many good moments with him,
but there are many things that make me happy. I'm strong with or without
him."
• From "I hope I have
qualities that he (and men in general) finds attractive" to "Through
thick and thin I am willing to make our relationship work. That alone is a
quality with much value."
• From "My life will be a
wreck if I lose him (or if I don't have a man in my life)," to "Yes,
it will sting, but I know I will be fine even if he's not around. But if he's
not willing to get through this tough time with me then he's not the right one
for me anyway and someone out there is better suited for me."
The Win-Win Situation
It takes some time, but you must
empower yourself to feel strong and that power NEVER comes from another person.
It's a process of shifting your poisonous, self-wounding thoughts into healthy
thoughts that not only are true, but put you in control of how you feel.
The good news is that it can start
today if you choose.
So what's the win-win position?
Benefits of Taking Ownership of
Your Own Thoughts
Once the new ways of seeing
relationships become a part of you, you will reap the rewards of feeling strong
and in control of your happiness. Here are some of the benefits you will create
for yourself:
• You will BELIEVE you have
something to offer him (or men in general).
• You will understand relationships
are a bonus in life, NOT a must. You will be fine whether you are in one or
not.
• He (or men in the future) will be
attracted to your confidence. He will love being around you.
• He (or men in the future) will be
careful how he treats you because your confidence tells him (them) you do NOT
need him (them). He (they) will be afraid the wrong move could scare you off.
• You would not tolerate boyish
behavior because you would no longer be dependent on someone else to provide
you happiness.
• You would see a man that cheats
as a poor lost, wounded soul in search of finding himself. You would either
want to help him or get rid of him.
Since when do you ever desire to
follow a poor, lost soul?
Don't be Tom.
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