I sometimes hear from wives who have been contacted by the woman with whom their husband has cheated. Often, this is not a welcome communication. It is often unexpected and, at least some of the time, the wife is tempted to just hang up or walk away to end the conversation. But there can be times when something stops her from doing this. Maybe she just wants to hear what the other woman has to say. AsianDate.com Reviews Or to hear her side of the story. And once she does, she isn't sure if she should listen to or believe what the other woman has to say - especially if the other woman insinuates that she was only being used.
An example of the type of comment
that I might hear is something like: "the other day, my cell phone rang
and I didn't recognize the number so I picked up. It was the other woman who
had been cheating with my husband. The affair is over. And apparently the other
woman is not very happy with this. She described my husband as a liar who
ultimately only used her. She said that he was all romantic in the beginning
and tried to make her feel like she was special and important to him. She
admitted that they never talked about where the relationship was going, but she
assumed that it was going to be a long term relationship because she says that
he was so loving to her. She says that he invested in the relationship and
listened AsianDate to her and
bought her gifts. She assumed that things would just continue to go on the same
way indefinitely. So, she was shocked when I found out about the affair and my
husband chose me over her and ended the affair. My husband told her that they
weren't going to have any additional contact with one another and I believe
that she is very frustrated by this. She said my husband only used her for sex
and that I should be aware what a jerk he is. I am torn about this. I obviously
don't think his behavior was admirable. No woman wants to feel used. At the
same time, I'm glad he's drawn the line with her. I don't want her in our
lives. How should I even process this? Should I take this conversation into
account when I'm considering whether or not I want to save my marriage?"
This is only my opinion, but my
answer to this question is - not really. Your concern should be how your
husband treats you, not her. First of all, you don't have any idea if she is
telling you the truth. She has her own motivations and her own agenda. Of
course she is going to try to paint herself as the innocent party and your
husband as the villain. AsianDate.com I am sure
that he will have his own version of the story (that is in part influenced by
his own motivations.) Of course, he wants to save the marriage while the other
woman might want to end it. So, both are going to slant what they say because
of these objectives.
And, frankly, who cares what she
thinks? I know that you don't want to see anyone hurt. But, right now, your
main priority has got to be yourself. Sure, this probably isn't your husband's
proudest moment. It is not an example of his finest behavior, but an affair never
is. Whether he used her or not probably isn't the biggest issue that you are
facing right now. In all honestly, you may have bigger fish to fry. And when
you place your concern on her, then you continue to give her a place in your
recovery, and this is a place where she has no business being.
It's probably not a big revelation
that your husband didn't always tell her the complete truth, if what she says
is true. By its very definition, an affair is not the most honest and
upstanding relationship. He has lied to both of you. But your may concern
should be the lies that he tells to you. You can't concern yourself with their
relationship. Especially because it is over and should remain so.
It's very common for the other
woman to feel used when all is said and done. Because she's not getting
anything out of the relationship except for memories. When it's over, she left
with the realization that you and your husband will go on and pick up the
pieces while she has no pieces to pick up. This can seem very unfair. And
honestly, you can't blame her for being upset. She has feelings too. But, she
had to know that this was a risk when she started a relationship with a married
man. Many women assume or hope that the man will one day leave his wife. And
when this doesn't happen, she can be angry at the man, or the wife, but she
isn't always angry at herself.
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