I sometimes hear from wives who are dealing with a husband who is swearing that he is still committed to her and to his marriage - despite the fact that he has had an affair. And he is often promising to end the affair (although the wife might have a feeling that he hasn't truly done this, even AsianDate.com Reviews if she can't always find concrete evidence of the same.) Plus, there are times when the husband's actions are in direct conflict with his words. In other words, his claims might be promising that he is going to fix the marriage and stand by it, while his behaviors are telling you the exact opposite.
So, I might hear from a wife who
says: "my husband cheated on me with a woman who I honestly believe that
he has always lusted after. She went to school with us when we were children.
Both my husband and I have known her for decades and he has always wanted to be
with her. But she was always way out of his league. I have no idea why she
suddenly became interested in him. Maybe it's because he has some money now.
Anyway, this woman actually pursued my husband. And of course he gave in. Once
I found out about the affair, my husband said he needed time to decide what he
wanted to do. This hurt me very badly. I had hoped and assumed that he would
choose me. But he didn't. Not right away. Then, I got unexpectedly AsianDate ill. And
my husband was concerned about me and never left my side. After that period of
time, he announced that he was ending the affair because he wanted me and he
wanted our marriage. I so badly wanted to believe him, but I did have concerns
because I know how much he's always wanted the other woman. Well, the other
day, I saw her at the grocery store and she gave me a little smirk that said
she knew something that I didn't. That's when I started to watch my husband
more closely. And I found that he's still been texting and emailing her. I even
found that he sent her flowers and the card said 'even though things aren't the
way they were, I'm still thinking about you.' I asked my husband about this.
And he reassured me that he wants our marriage, but he says that I need to give
him time to let it go. AsianDate.com I think
that he still wants her. And I think he will eventually find a way to have her.
Is there anything that I can do about this?"
I can certainly tell you my opinion
on this. But I want to stress beyond any doubt that this is only one person's
opinion. And frankly, it is a biased one. As a wife who has been cheated on, I
am always going to see things from the side of the faithful spouse. Also, my opinion
really doesn't matter all that much. What matters is how you feel and what you
want. But here is my take on it.
As much as we might wish that our
spouses could control their feelings and thoughts about the other person, they
do not have control over what pops into their mind and into their heart. And,
it's very common for them to still think about the other person when the affair
ended very recently. But, they absolutely can control how they respond to these
feelings and thoughts. They have a choice as to how they carry out these
responses. They don't need to act on their emotions. When they have these
feelings and struggling, the thing that they need to do is to place their focus
on their marriage. Because, the more they do that, the faster the feelings are
going to fade.
You can't really be sure that your
husband still wants the other woman. You can't read his mind. He may be trying
to get closure. But what you do know is that he is still reaching out to her
and that is inappropriate. It's going to make it very difficult to save your
marriage when you're always having to worry about whether he is pursuing her.
So, it can help to just put this on the table so he is aware of what you know
and of what you will and will not accept.
You may try something like: "I
saw some texts and emails that you sent to her. I also know that you brought
her flowers. I know that you've said that you want our marriage, but your
actions right now are going to make that awfully difficult. I need to be very
clear about this. I can't accept you still having contact with her. It hurts
me. It makes me worry. It makes me question your commitment to me. If you truly
do want to save our marriage, then you need to make a choice. You have to cut
off all contact with her. That means not calling or texting or sending gifts.
And that means not seeing, talking to her, or communicating with her in any
way. You keep telling me that you want this marriage. But now I need to see you
say this with your actions as well as with your words."
Comments
Post a Comment